So about those Spanx yoga pants. I decided if I was going to get use out them I would wear them around the house. I am wearing them now. Only I can’t think. Apparently when your pants suck the air out of you, your brain is deprived of oxygen. After I took them off the first time, I felt totally liberated. My belly fell out and thighs jiggled. Ahhh. Then I held them up to have a good look at them. Only a Barbie Doll would feel comfortable in them. Size L too.
I don’t know why, but I’ve just started to take notice to the pop-up ads that come up on the computer. This is what I get: Viagra. Night-time Depends. Depends for everyday wear. And menopause estrogen medication. Seriously, if I didn’t feel bad about growing older, I might now. What in heaven’s name have I Googled to prioritize these ads for me. If I could flash my bare bottom and post in one of those ads right now, I would!!
Wait a minute. I have to go take off my pants so I can think.
Okay, I’m back.
Hey I went to see my favorite gynecologist in Greenville last week. She does not disappoint. She calls me young. Well I’m 67, she says. Of course I say, You Look Fabulous (this is really true). She is still wearing her four inch wedges with tiny painted toes. Have you seen what I look like underneath these clothes lately? Well, no, no I haven’t. It’s disgusting. Have you looked at yourself naked in the mirror lately? Why yes, yes, I have. Well everything changes and moves elsewhere. Even your skin changes. Look at this. Okay. Crinkley above the knees, scaly arms, there are even folds on my low back. I don’t even want to put a bathing suit on and go to the beach. You have a nice tan by the way, pretty color. Thank you. I look around though at the beach she says, and see other Big Ass Women out there, so I might as well be one of them. In which case, I say, We could all be Hotties!! She looks at me funny. She sees I brought a book and asks me what I am reading. A book on Dolphins. Oh, I only read historical fiction Scottish novels. Like Outlander I say? Yes, I’ve read through the entire series FOUR times, she says. What is taking the author so long to write the next one!! She is giving the excuse of the TV series. I don’t buy it she says. And I HAVE to know what happens next. She brings me up to date on the last book which I haven’t read yet. Briefly back to me…What are you doing now? I help mid-life women feel wise and wonderful I say. I change this depending on who I am talking too. She says all I have to do to accomplish that is give them an Outlander book and tell them to tune into the series. Whew, the heat between Jamie and Claire! And have you ever seen a better male specimen? He’s the cure to mid-life anything. Jamie is as perfect as they come. Agreed.
Okay, see you next year. Okay.
I’m finding all new doctors at the beach, but I’m keeping this one for the pure entertainment value. And about that coconut oil, she says you can stick way up in there daily or as often as needed for vaginal health.
About those tender breasts….and sensitive bladder…shoot I forgot to ask. Maybe I need another appointment.
Goodnight from Greenville (only I’m at the beach!),
Dyanne is an inner wisdom coach, psychotherapist, writer, mind-body healer, Integrative Yoga Therapy teacher, certified “Journal-to-the SELF” instructor and creator of https://www.holywhollyholey.comhelping women heal and step into their power. She is the author of the ebook, “Holey Path to Holy Living: A Women’s Path to Healing and Freeing Sacred Feminine Power,” which can be found on Amazon and on her websitehttps://www.amazon.com/Holey-Path-Holy-Living-Feminine-ebook/dp/B01MUI0OOJ/ref=sr_1_13?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1486652110&sr=1-13&keywords=holy+path