Confessions From The Other Side… of 50

I begin this new decade with a broken toe and a cold…

After spending the night in a Norfolk hotel room, I slip out of bed and grab the cup of coffee waiting for me on the nightstand. My Guy does that for me, gets me a cup of coffee from the breakfast bar downstairs so I can stay in my pajamas a little while longer. Walking barefoot into the sitting area, I maneuver my way around the edge of an L-shaped sofa, holding my coffee. I look up at My Guy, intending to express my pure joy at seeing the play “Hamilton” the previous night and our plans to Christmas shop all day. My heart is overflowing with happiness in the moment. Whap! My toe slams into the leg of the sofa as my coffee flies into my face down my PJ’s and onto the pretty sofa. I panic in that split -second worrying first about the darn sofa and then OMG, did I scald my face and chest. I didn’t. Thankfully the coffee was lukewarm. Slowly I look down at my toes, trying to prepare myself for what I will see. I’m not prepared. I see what looks like a pig’s hoof, a giant V-shape between my toes. Owww, I groan, knowing there goes our day of shopping, my holiday spirits in momentary limbo. How will I ever walk Penelope?

Back into bed I go, propping up my foot, throwing ice on it. My plan originally had been to have my coffee in bed. No, instead I have to go and share my good mood. I remain hopeful. Maybe I can do a little shopping if I’m dropped off at the door? It doesn’t look so bad. It’s not getting black and blue yet…not too swollen. Smarter thoughts eventually prevail. Off to Urgent Care we go. Yup, broke the little sucker clean through. Next up, orthopedic surgeon. Really, for a toe,  at this point I think I don’t really need.

My entire holiday travels and visits spent in an orthopedic shoe which I’m still wearing. What happened here? Was I not being mindful? Yes and no. I was obviously not mindful of where I placed my feet. I was, however, mindful of my joy. I’ve done this before, you know. Been in a super blissful state when I slammed my foot into the corner of the bathroom door breaking my toe three weeks before a trip to Provence. You can read about that one and my trip here.

How did this happen? I was so joyful. Both times. There’s a third time too and another toe involved, but I was only vacuuming. We won’t go there. I was humming though. Do I change my gait when I’m happy, swing a little wider with my leg? Am I just not being mindful? Mindfulness, as I come to find out, is a multi-leveled process. There’s mindfulness of my thoughts, mindfulness of my feelings and mindfulness of my body all happening simultaneously. Who knew this simple concept could be so complicated? There’s the alternative suggestion that maybe it’s not mindfulness at all, and my depth perception is just plain off making me accident-prone due to my advancing age. Nah, I quickly discard this reasoning. Who wants to think about that?

So here I am with a broken toe and now a cold. My body obviously sending me messages to be still. Okay, I hear you! I hear you! A forced slow-down after many months of going full blast. Now I can walk without wincing and don’t feel like it.

In the stillness, I am reminded of the wisdom of my body to tell me the truth of my busyness, to tell me to slow down, to take care of myself, to pay attention and most importantly to be open to receive its intuitive messages. I am also reminded of my body’s miraculous ability to heal and make me whole again.

I’m finally listening.

PS Have you signed up for my free book club?  The first four week cycle starts next month!

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