Today I woke up feeling regret. It’s so unlike me. I don’t usually look back wishing I had done something differently. Every decision leads somewhere I say. Nothing is ever lost. There are no mistakes. All things I tell myself.
Yet today I am second-guessing a past decision. Did I make a mistake? I feel regret for a path not taken, a choice I made to go one direction instead of another. The nagging voice of self-judgment is getting louder inside my head. What-ifs are on a continuous loop.
My book had just launched. Unfortunately, Covid hit. Lockdowns came next. Reduced to online gatherings I joined a businesswomen’s group for the next two years thinking it was a way to figure out how to get my book out there. Instead, I was directed toward building online programs. I followed the money, the possibility of financial gain. Not that I regret that. I learned. My confidence grew. I met and made wonderful connections. And…. I abandoned my writing, my book, the thing I wanted to do and felt most passionate about. All these years later, I am left in a state of longing. I wonder what would have happened if I had stayed the course and kept writing. Would I have more than one book, two or three? Would I be in a whole different line of work? Where would I be now?
Mostly I regret overriding my intuition. As practiced as I am at following my gut instincts, there are times I bow down to someone else’s expertise thinking I don’t know enough. I let self-doubt creep in and overtake what I know I know. As a reminder, your intuition is always right. Be discerning though, and careful you are not thinking fear and intuition are the same thing. Intuition is a clear channel, a gut instinct or physical sensation, a sense of knowing, a voice in your head, not a scared feeling. My lack of confidence ended up overtaking my intuition and was more powerful than the belief I had in myself.
The sense of regret I feel also has to do with my age, the hastening passage of time and like I have less and less time to make “bad “decisions. There’s a sense of urgency to get it right, an internal clock, tick tick ticking, how long do I have?
Regret. Something you said or didn’t say. A choice you made you wish you could change. A missed opportunity. Not listening to your intuition. Followed by self-incrimination and even shame. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
Let’s start there. Let’s separate regret from your sense of self-worth. You are not a bad person (shame). You made a choice you can now change and do differently or at least think about differently with reflective eyes instead of punishing ones. Ok, maybe you can’t always change what you regret doing, but you can have compassion for yourself. What do you know now you didn’t know then? How have you grown since then? Can you forgive yourself? Can it be a learning, teaching moment for you?
For the regrets you can change, what is regret trying to show you? As I sit with regret, just allowing it to be present, I feel desire rise within me. When you name something, it takes away the negative charge and offers some psychological relief like a big sigh.
An unfulfilled desire fueled by a sense of urgency, that’s what I feel. Passion generally does have a sense of urgency. As I land on this, something begins shifting within, my body feels lighter, and my mood is changing from a tinge of sadness to wanting to take some sort of action. It’s not too late. You can always tell a truth when it lands solidly in your heart and resonates outward. You feel your body react in a positive way.
I’m going to say this might be true for you too, that underneath your regret may be an unfulfilled desire. Not just an external desire like financial success or the next best seller.
Maybe it’s what we midlife and beyond women truly long for like:
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To feel truly seen and valued — not just in roles (mother, daughter, partner, professional), but as your whole self.
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To live with freedom and authenticity — to stop dimming your light or apologizing for being “too much” or “not enough.”
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To love yourself fully — body, mind, spirit, even the parts you’ve judged or hidden.
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To create and express — and simply speak your truth without fear.
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To belong — to have relationships where you feel rooted, connected, and valued for who you truly are.
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To connect with Spirit — to know you’re guided, supported, and part of something greater.
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To leave a legacy of love — to know your life mattered and contributed to the light of others.
These kinds of desires are what ignite the Soulfire Woman within—because they’re not just about “getting” something external, but about becoming more of who you really are.
My desire is to leave a legacy of love. Going forward I am going to choose differently and change my course direction. Yes, I lost time in terms of years but not in terms of wisdom and knowledge gained, of the connections I made.
Maybe in the future I’ll look back on this moment of regret and know it made me focus on what I truly desire and came at exactly right timing. I AM following my intuition now.
There really are no mistakes after all.
Journal Prompt: If I could speak gently to the part of myself that feels regret, I would….
