I know, I know, my latest epistle is very overdue. There were a few weeks in there where I hit a low point. No one thing in particular, just an accumulation of small occurrences. I actually thought for a while there that I might be clinically depressed. But hey, nothing a session with my ANGEL COMMUNICATOR, a weekend at the beach, a trip to SEDONA and my FIRST DATE couldn’t heal. My ANGELS restored my hope and let me know what a really good place I am in emotionally. I know that, and I still get sad, which is due I think mostly to hormones.
Actually, let’s start there. So I find a new gynecologist and have my first appointment. In walks this woman who is dressed like the woman in Private Practice, tight, scoop neck jersey dress with big jewelry, wedge heels and cute painted toes. No lab coat for my gyno, stylish with an Ethel Merman-like delivery. Beforehand the nurse asked me if I was having problems with my breasts. No, I say, just that they are too small and not in the right place. She laughs. My gyno starts asking me all of these questions like am I married, how long am I separated and have I met anyone yet. I tell her I am still technically married, 26 years now. Southern people do this thing when they are colluding with you in disapproval. She shakes her head back and forth, purses her lips and says, MmmMmmMmmmm. Well, before you know it I’m crying my eyes out. I’m crying because her honesty caught me off guard, and it just all came pouring out. And then I was crying because I had met someone, connected strongly with him, my old friend, who just was not a possibility. She tries to make me feel better and thinks telling me her life story will do the trick. She starts out telling me that she has informed this husband, her third, if he does anything her next title is going to be Widow. The nurse says, And she means it too. She tells me she comes from a small southern town, everyone does, where she was the beauty queen who married the football star. Does everyone in the South have that same story? How many beauty queens and football stars can there possibly be? They had babies. He became an alcoholic. She went to med school. They divorced. She met a 21- year -old there. She was 31. She said she felt sorry for him. They got married had a baby together and moved to DC for her residency. Six weeks later he was gone with a younger nurse. That is when she says she got aggressive. No more nice Southern Girl for her. She demanded he help take care of the baby. Whew! She’s tough! The last guy is a couple of years younger. Her first husband comes to all the holiday and family functions. Her last daughter thought he was an uncle. She cried when she realized he wasn’t related at all. The country songs really are all true.
The Doc tells me I am right in thinking the men here are older or younger than me. And Lord, I don’t want an older Southern man, she says. You can have a PhD and they still want you to wash and iron their clothes. I am crying harder now. She continues. I see you with someone younger. If the men don’t want kids, it works out. Have you found a church yet….joined any clubs…..what hobbies do you have….Crying harder. At this point she decides to do the exam. She flips up the sheet and stands there looking at me. She then says, well, you’re a tiny one. She affirms it with the nurse. Exam, five minutes. Counseling, 55 minutes. Priceless.
While we are on doctor stories, I just had an appointment with my new general practitioner. You may recall he was one of the trio who examined my heart in March. He comes in and says I look very familiar. I’m thinking, huh, don’t recognize me with my clothes on do you?
My aunt and uncle came to visit, and we went to one of the little quaint towns and walked along the boardwalk gazing at the boats. I say, I really need to meet a man with a sail boat. I tell them how I am manifesting things instantly in many cases with the exception of my LOVE. We go into a bar for a drink. And the bartender, who happens to be from Pittsburgh, identifies himself as a sailor. We get up to leave and he says, I hope you will come back and make this your home away from home. My aunt says, I can’t believe that just happened. Two weeks later I go back with other friends. He recognizes me, puts his hand on mine and says, I’m glad you came back. I leave my phone number. Weeks go by…
In the meantime I decide to go to Sedona. My spiritual mentor, and the woman I took the Modern Day Wisdom trainings with a couple of years ago, does retreats there every couple of years. She rented the house for a week and only needed it for part of the week. She invited others to come and share the home for the other days. I thought it was going to be a reunion of sorts; however only a few people went which turned out to be lovely in itself. She makes me look like I am a Type A personality. Imagine that. On the way to the airport, every time I looked at Missy Garmin I saw double digits…1.1, 2.2., 3.3….Geez, I thought I am going to go through all the numbers. I did with the exception of 4.4. Auspicious, I thought. And Sedona did not disappoint. I could feel the energy of the place in my hands when we were still up in the air. I did a Vortex tour with Larry from the Bronx who thinks he is an Indian. What a character. People have written about him in the New Yorker Magazine which he read aloud to us. The next night I did a Sweat Lodge which is something I’ve always wanted to do and never did. In this particular sweat you wrap a towel around you and go in naked. Ok, here we go I think. I’m here to cure my insecurities with being naked in front of people. Really no way out of this one. The woman I was with is several inches shorter than I am. I realized at that moment her towel covered a whole lot more than mine did. I was nervous given my heart palpitation issue and was concerned the heat would send me into one of my episodes. The leader worked with me ahead of time. He freely took off HIS towel. Finally I did as well. At the end we all laid together outside under the stars to cool down. I was last and he was next to me. Of course, he flipped open his towel. That’s the nice thing about having been married. You learn to live with male nakedness. None of this was sexual, mind you, just completely freeing. My towel was drenched, and I thought I really would just like to open up my towel and be free. I do. He reaches over and rubs my head for a couple of seconds I think acknowledging my feelings of safety and trust with him. I did trust him which was a very, very nice feeling. My trip became about RELEASING and REMINDING and REMEMBERING. I came home completely rejuvenated and with clarity and purpose. Ready once again to tackle Greenville. By the way, I told people here I was going to SEDONA and they didn’t even know what state it was in. Now you get the picture of what spiritual work I am facing here.
At the airport I stand waiting for my luggage getting a little bit impatient. It dawns on me, just why am I standing here when I can ask the Archangel Michael to get my luggage for me. We are best buds. I see him as a Celt in armor with gray curly hair wearing a sword and standing on the green hills of Ireland. So I say politely, Hey Mike, would you mind getting my luggage for me. At those moments I always hold my breath because I think what if THIS TIME it doesn’t work. What will happen to my beliefs? Not to worry, within the minute my luggage comes around the carousel. The Angels accompany me again on the ride home, 1.1, 2.2, 3.3…..About an hour after I arrive home, the phone rings and it’s the bartender/manager from Pittsburgh. He says he has the next day off and doesn’t know what to do with it. I say, gee, I’ll hang out with you. He says, You would? Of course. Would you like to go SAILING? That would be lovely, YES!!
We do an evening sunset sail. He tries very had to make sure I am having a good time. I regret having told him I was married 25 years because as he is talking I am adding up numbers and realizing he is FORTY. He confirms that later. I keep trying to think SEX but keep thinking MOTHER. My inner COUGAR really is not working well. It was a lovely evening. He is artistic without two nickels to rub together, divorced for five years. He said we will do it again sometime. Haven’t heard back…..
And I did a quick overnight to the beach house specifically I think to meet an Angel there. One of the homeowners I know, who hugs me and holds my hand, married of course, brought a friend. He said, he is in the same position as you. Oh, what is that I ask? Getting divorced after 25 years of marriage he says. This guy tells me he always would tell his wife he wanted a relationship where there was so much passion and love between them that when one of them died the other would want to go too. Already I’m crying thinking OHMYGOD, there ARE guys out there who think like I do! I wouldn’t go quite that far probably still wanting to live AND have that kind of passion. His wife said, Mmmmhmmm and clicked the channel changer. One day a woman came in to sell him copier equipment and he couldn’t concentrate on what she was saying he was that instantly smitten. To make a long story short he is crazy in love. Yes, getting divorced but after long and hard thought. He said, Life it too short not to be this in love. He says Dyanne, now mind you he knows nothing about me, you don’t have to look for LOVE. It is going to show up for you one day just like that. Yes, you are older AND You are the most beautiful woman in this room.
Really, honestly, things like this just never happened to me in PA.
Love to you all. Thank you for staying in touch and for your concerns. I really did need to hear from you. I am hoping you are all well, growing and loving and being ONE.
With Love and Blessings and…..
Goodnight from Greenville, Dyanne
I’m Dyanne Kelley. You can find me @soulfirewoman where I share my blogs, wisdom, coaching, mentorships and soon-to-be book, “Soulfire Woman: How to Torch the Past; Ignite the Present, and Set Your Soul on Fire.” For a sneak peek at the first chapter, fill out the form below. And shoot me your comments. I love to read your feedback.
Join the Soulfire Woman Mailing List and get my Three Day Journaling Practice Jumpstart email series.