Wearing the Crone Crown Proudly

Well Girls, it happened. The Big Birthday.  I turned 60.  I guess if Ellen can do it on national TV, I can do it too. From Midlife to Crone in the blink of an eye. Did you know you can decide when you want to be a Crone?  It’s when you feel like you’ve accumulated enough Wisdom to be a Wise Woman.

Crone means Crown, like a crowning achievement. Seriously, this is our crowning achievement? Ha, like the lessons don’t keep coming. I know why they call them Wisdom Years too. It’s a nice way to say you got nothin’ left.  We’re not valued for our minds in our youth, yet it’s the fallback for aging bodies.

I figured out aging for women is really a Buddhist process. It’s all about letting go, letting go, letting go.  The face, the breasts, the figure….If we hadn’t placed so much value on looks in the first place, it wouldn’t be so difficult. It’s really not fair that men grow more distinguished as they age.  No one talks about sagging, drooping, rounding, or the Preparation H wipes in every bathroom. Loss of hair has turned into baldness is sexy. They lose hair. We grow more hair. There’s no sexy reframe for that. Talk about unfair.

So I’ve accumulated some Crone wisdom for you.

Here’s One:  Waking up at 3 am is not the best time to Google yourself.  I did this one morning, and found I was only marginally to be trusted by  some search engine who wanted my money to tell me more about my unsavory character.  There was also another woman of the same name behaving in a less than exemplary way. Like there was a warrant for her arrest. There goes my reputation. Of course, I am not thinking rationally and am shouting, What, What  did I ever do to deserve this? Then I said, Dyanne go back to bed. Things will be better in the morning. Wisdom.

Here’s another one: Sex now goes under the exercise category. We’ve had a lot of ice and snow days here where we’ve been trapped inside for days.  My guy thinks, Great, Sex. I think, Great, Scrabble. Then I think, What the heck, this counts as exercise, right?  Wise Women burn calories whenever they can. If you’re in my neighborhood on a snow day, better call first.

How about this one?: I was checking out at the local Harris Teeter Grocery about a month ago when the clerk asks me if I would be taking advantage of any of their special discounts. She tilts her head quickly and sharply to the right as she says this as if it’s a secret discount she’s giving me, like I have to know the password. I look to the right and see nothing. I say, Oh, what discounts would those be?  She repeats the gesture only uses her eyes to indicate to the right and down. I follow her eyes and look down in front of me where it reads you get a 5% discount if you are 60 and over.  I look around me at the all of the “older” people shopping that day. Mortified, I say Oh no, no I don’t qualify. Then I realize in a hot second an even more mortifying thought, Yes, yes, I will qualify for the discount in a few short weeks.  Wise Women swallow their pride and collect their discounts at checkout.

How about you?  What wisdom do you have to add?

I’m sure now that I am a Crone, and I claim it proudly, the Wisdom will keep on coming.  Be on the lookout for it. Until then I plan to learn to surf and scuba dive and wear bright red lipstick every day.

By the way, if you join my upcoming book club, we can all share our collective Crone wisdom with each other. You can pre-register here!

Pin and Share!