The Witch in Me (and You)
Stirring the Cauldron of Your Hidden Magic
I guess because Halloween is the next holiday on the calendar, I’ve been thinking about being a witch. Not to dress up, I mean thoughts like what if I let the shadow side of me, the witch inside of me come out, broomstick and all?
The witch in me gets angry. I stomp my foot and say, I don’t want to. The witch in me feels selfish at times. I rebel against doing what’s expected of me like a child who doesn’t want to clean her room, who would much rather read or write. I’m expected to take care of my aging mother, it’s the right thing to do, and yet there are days I would just rather not. I cringe saying that. I feel the guilt. Like you and everyone else will judge me, but it’s true, that’s how I feel. I also go on strike in the kitchen getting tired of coming up with and preparing meals. At times I want to shout and not speak politely. This one really catches my guy off-guard. Where did his mild-mannered gal go?
I’ve literally been labeled a witch in my community. This was nearly thirty years ago when I was one of the first to do energy healing in the rural conservative town where I lived. Then I had the nerve to teach yoga through our church. Scandalous.
My former in-laws used the term freely, calling the women in the family witches if we acted in a way unbecoming. It was often said in jest but a calling out, nonetheless. There it is really. The why. We women are labeled witches when we act in ways outside of family expectations and cultural conditioning. It’s in our DNA. Remember those witches burned at the stake? We learn early on certain parts of ourselves are not welcome. I wanted to be a witch. I really did. I think I was bold and sassy, witch-like, until about sixth grade when I discovered boys didn’t like that in a girl.
So, what did I do? I repressed my anger. I abandoned my wild, authentic self to get along and be liked by a boy and later a future husband. My whole life I’ve been praised for being polite, agreeable, and selfless. I clung to this and disowned the other parts of me who are fiery, strong-willed, and rebellious, the shadow sides of me.
The shadow psychologically refers to the unconscious parts of ourselves we tend to repress, deny, or hide because they feel unacceptable, shameful, or too painful like I’ve been sharing. Here’s the kicker though, the shadow isn’t only our dark qualities like anger, envy, or selfishness. It also holds the cauldron of our hidden magic, our repressed strengths—our brilliance, power, sensuality, and desires we were taught to downplay.
The shadow is not our enemy—it’s a treasure chest of hidden parts. What we suppress often contains the very medicine we need for wholeness. When we integrate our shadow, we no longer abandon our true selves. Instead, we discover a hidden treasure of raw truth and deeper self-love. The shadow here contains our messy, authentic, wild self who doesn’t need to prove anything to herself or anyone else. In it, lives our unapologetic voice, our fierceness, our ability to say no, and our full authority.
You know you are repressing your shadow when the witchy part of you comes out. When you start criticizing another woman, or calling them out for something you don’t like, you better pay close attention to what is lurking inside of you. For the longest time assertive women really got under my skin. Why? Because I didn’t know how to use my voice. I held in my emotions until I couldn’t any longer and then exploded. I have since learned and gotten better at being assertive in a kind, loving way and really appreciate this part of myself now. I recognize it’s part of my wholeness plan, bringing all the parts of me together so I can fully step into my own authority. (That gives me goosebumps!)
To understand your shadow more, and gain insight into what is lurking in the dark, ask yourself this: What qualities in other women trigger (or annoy) me and why? Ask, am I hiding or denying that in myself? How does that quality translate into something positive for me? What can I do to bring that part of me fully into my being?
Now, what if you didn’t have to behave, be quiet, or sit still? What if you had permission to be unladylike? What if I told you that being loud, bold, and a little wild is not only allowed—it’s exactly what your soul has been begging for?
The shadow inside you—the witch you were warned about—is not here to scare you, warts and all. She is guarding your shadow gold. She holds the brilliance you dimmed so no one else would feel small, the sensuality you repressed because good girls didn’t behave like that, the ambition you tucked away because it felt selfish taking time away from your partner and children, the untamed joy you were taught to tame, and the voice you swallowed so others could stay comfortable.
And guess what? That shadow gold is still there waiting for you.
Grab that broomstick and fly!
You witch you.
