by Dyanne Kelley  April 2018

As a female who works with women, my focus is Sacred Feminine Power, helping women heal and remember our Goddess gifts. So it’s surprising to me and very interesting what is happening in my practice.  Men are showing up in as many numbers as women.  I wonder to myself, what is happening here?  They are not coming for services saying they want Sacred Feminine Power, yet I know there is truth in that.

Within all of us are male and female ways of being, according to Carl Jung, a psychoanalytical psychiatrist. He tapped into the concept of the animus, male aspects of the female psyche, and anima, female aspects of the male psyche  This is similar to Yin and Yang of Chinese medicine and the concept of duality in yoga.  What we aim for, what all of these concepts steeped in ancient wisdom strive for, is balance. Men, without knowing it, are asking for balance from their lesser known feminine side just as women are stepping into their most powerful selves, the balance of the male side.

From the macrocosm to the microcosm we see this shifting taking place. On the World scene we see male dominated systems starting to crack, opening to the light of new growth. We see the Sacred Feminine being restored to its rightful place balancing the scales of justice.  Women are stepping up, “Leaning In,” as Sheryl Sandberg writes, using their voices, running for office, standing their ground, Warrior Goddesses. That’s the balance of the animus. The great thing about women in midlife and beyond is we get that extra shot of testosterone as we age. Conversely aging men get more estrogen.  Our bodies are intricately designed knowing what we need, pushing us toward the light of health and wellness both physically and psychologically.  Mind you, women do not leave the other aspects of their Goddess selves behind.  They do all this combining their strengths of intuition, consensus and compassion.

That brings us to the men. I am no expert on men, I admit. In my experiences though, I see a longing for a different way of being, a search for a rightful place in the world beyond achievement alone, a sense of purpose other than the one who thinks he needs to be the provider.  They are realizing the old way of gender stereotypes is not working so well within the new emerging paradigm.

How Men can Benefit from Sacred Feminine Power

Value the Feminine Side

A good first step is acknowledging there is in fact an untapped or undeveloped feminine side within that very male body.  It does not, I repeat, does not, make men any less masculine.  It makes them more balanced.  It’s a heavy burden always being expected to be the strong one, the conquerer, the breadwinner, the fixer-upper of stuff. Gender roles effect men just as strongly as they effect women. Stepping into Sacred Feminine Power is giving permission to drop some of those imposed expectations and shift into personal integrity (when the inside self and outside self match), harmony and balance.  The body, mind and spirit run best when they are in sync with who we really are inside.  It’s okay for men to admit they don’t like to house paint, mow the lawn and cry at commercials.  Truly. Strip away what has been assigned at birth, then ask, “Who am I really?”

Redefine Power 

In my workshops I often start by asking women to define what power means to them.  They appear uncomfortable before settling into the assignment having been socialized not to even entertain the concept. I can see them relax though as they come to the realization of just where their power resides. It is not about winning, being the boss or wealth. Women tell me their power is in their connections to each other, family and to Spirit, in the love they feel for humanity, in loving what they do and in knowing themselves, an inner awareness.  They answer quite differently than how I think most, not all, men might answer. What if guys shifted from power over to powerful connections within and to each other?  Why not ask the guy in your life what power means to him.  Then share lists. Start the conversation and see what happens.  Maybe, like in my workshops, you will see the relief and relaxation spread knowing as men they don’t have to puff out their chests, strut and conquer.  I know I would.

Build Consensus and Respect

This leads to ruling by consensus, not by winning or by secret strategies.  You see women doing this all the time, searching for ways to agree. Ask a group of women where they would like to go for dinner, and you will see it in immediate action. Consensus means everyone has to agree on something. We have to build a consensus, work together. This way each party takes ownership of the outcome.  It’s not majority rules, a win/loss scenario.  Imagine the difference in relationships, jobs, organizations, with this one change alone.  I understand there are times when we all need to make those one and only decisions. There are just as many times though when having input works for the good of all, making spirits soar.  The power we seek is available in a totally different way through respect and unity. How powerful is that?

Use Both Sides of the Brain

Women have another way of knowing. It’s called intuition. In the not too distant past, a women’s intuition was dismissed as a less intelligent way of deciding something.  Science is now revealing this way of understanding is both measurable and accurate. There are many CEOs worldwide who credit intuition with their success. Intuition can come through meditation, prayer, journaling, strong hunches, synchronicity, a heart-felt sense, body awareness and dreams. It is a valid way of knowing.   It’s about getting out of the left side of the brain and opening up to the wisdom of the right.  Not to leave the left side out of the equation totally. We are talking about balance here and not dismissing or ignoring what’s available to all of us. All it takes is a willingness and a little practice. Well, maybe a lot of practice.  While intuition often comes naturally to women, men need to work harder at perfecting this way of knowing.  It’s worth the work!

Feel into the Problem 

I hear the groan. Remember we are talking about balance here, balancing the heart and head.  Not every answer comes strictly from thinking, and in fact, it’s better if it doesn’t. Thinking doesn’t make us more powerful. Feeling does. Whoa! Women tell men how they feel, and men tell women the solution. Conversation killer. Immediate disconnect. Psychotherapists and women alike are given a bad rap for using a “feeling” language.  Yet knowing how we feel is the answer to most of life’s problems. If the body is a car, emotions, the body’s physical responses, are the driver. They start a chemical reaction sending information to specific areas and why such sayings like  “broken heart”  or “gut reaction” are actually true. There’s an internal highway of mind/body connections.  Feelings result out of the physical, chemical response of emotions. Listening to our gut takes us back to following our intuition which is a legitimate, effective way of making decisions.  Tapping into feelings is a universal language that connects us to others. When we understand how someone else feels all defenses melt away circling back to redefining power.  Lead instead with feelings. Guys, this is not wimpy stuff.  This is just the kind of guy who gets the girl.

Make Room for Vulnerability

Now we’re getting deep. Am I asking too much? When I say vulnerability, what do you feel? Weak? Scared? Quite the opposite, allowing vulnerability is a sign of strength. Just as knowing feelings is a sign of strength. It’s about being able to reveal what we keep under wraps to appear strong.  It goes back to awareness and revealing what lays hidden.  Guys don’t have to be strong for us.  We are gaining our own strength. Let’s be strong together. The stronger we pretend to be, the weaker we become. Our foundation has cracks. Cracks will keep expanding with all the added pressure to keep doing the job with no attention to the weakness. Eventually they, we will break. When we can admit our sadness, shortcomings, mistakes, it makes room for absolute truth. In truth there is the power to heal not only ourselves but others as well.  It opens the door for a more intimate relationship with yourself and others in your sphere who now relate to you and your shared experience, can admit their own cracks and help you fill in yours. This is real intimacy, authentic, real, honest. This is how true leaders lead.

Imagine Sex as a Sacred Act

Did we just go there? Oh yes, we did. It is really a holy moment, sex.  It comes out of the vulnerability and intimacy just created. When we look deeply into the eyes of our partner it becomes a sacred union.  Appreciate and savor the tenderness, the intimacy, the true connections of mind, body and spirit. Two hearts coming together.  We are glimpsing into the soul of our partners, a holy moment. The ecstasy is in the joy of the union not in the act itself.  Once we open up emotionally, remove the blocks inhibiting our emotional well-being, our energies will connect in a whole different way.  Just trust me on this one. A whole different experience awaits you.

It may all sound counterintuitive to being a man in this world. I get that. It is not one-sided. Women need the balance of the male energies too. And it is happening in the new paradigm of male and female roles. Feel into the freedom of that! At the very least I hope this starts a conversation. There is no right or wrong, no perfect way of how to be a man or woman, only the need for a little more wiggle room.

Copyright© 2018 Soulfire Woman. All Rights Reserved.


Are You Ready to Connect with the Deepest, Wisest, Most Loving Part of Yourself, Your Soulfire Woman?


As a Soulfire Woman writer, speaker, coach, psychotherapist, and with a dash of midlife humor, Dyanne connects you to the deepest, wisest part of yourself for lasting change, to your own true nature, your sacred feminine power. She is the blog author of “Confessions from the Other Side…of 50,” “Soulfire Woman Power,” and “My Traveling Midlife Misadventures.” She is also the creator of the ebook “The Holey Path to Holy Living: A Woman’s Path to Healing and Freeing Sacred Feminine Power.”

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