Confessions From the Other Side… of 50

It’s my mom’s birthday, and I give her a call. I tell her I hope she has a great day and wonder if she might go out for breakfast or lunch for her birthday. She says the last time they went out for breakfast they hadn’t received their food after an hour and left the restaurant. She tells me she feels uncomfortable eating inside especially since her waiter had a beard which his mask did not cover. That’s just not right, she says.

momShe continues her stream of consciousness thought and says a lot of people are eating outside these days. I feel like I’m eating dirt, she says, with cars passing by and everything. I might as well stay home. Okay, I say.

She tells me she got herself a cake and invited the neighbors. How many came, I ask. Thirteen. All at once? It takes 10 more minutes to get an answer to this. No, she says, a couple at a time. Did they wear masks, I ask? Ten more minutes. Yes. Well, how did you eat the cake with your masks on? She starts laughing hysterically. We kept lifting up the masks for each bite and laughed at each other. It was fun, she said.


Covid, old folks style.

I sent you something I say, but I don’t know when you will get it. Oh, a surprise, she says. Yes, a surprise.

Later the same day, she calls and leaves me a message. She sounds out-of-breath and upset. Oh no, I think the worst. I call. My dad answers. Dyanne, he laughs, did you win the lotto? No, I say. Well, your mother thinks you did.

Mom gets on the phone. Dyanne, a guy called me and said I was going to receive $3 million dollars. Oh, I thought, this must be my surprise, Dyanne won the lottery. He tells her to receive the first installment she needs to go to the post office today and mail a check to him for $820. She tells me she was on the phone with him for an hour-and-a half. He asks her how long it will take for her to go to the post office. She says 20 minutes and hangs up.

She decides this just doesn’t sound right. She calls the state police. Ma’m, that’s a scam,  they say. Oh. The guy keeps calling. She finally answers again. She apologizes for taking up so much of his time, but I don’t think this is real, she says. Besides I called our lawyer and the state police. They say it’s a scam. He hangs up.

Mom, I sent you a gift from QVC. I didn’t win the lotto. Oh, okay. I’ll look for the package.

The doorbell rings. Mom says she has to go, it’s the neighbor with a bottle of Riunite Lambrusco wine for  her birthday, she says.
Ok, bye. Stop answering the phone. She just laughs.

Conversations with mom. Sheesh.

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