I am on hold and decide to use my time wisely by cleaning out my desk drawer as I wait. This is the tiniest of drawers. Who knew it could hold so much? I did find a $100 in an envelope way in the back. Payment for my efforts, I thought, and a sign of future abundance.
A few things need to be relocated to the “junk” drawer upstairs. Only I need to dump the contents of that drawer and reorganize it to fit my new deposits.
And so it goes. I am now deep into the closet in my office, also small, and filled with years and years of my business life. I pause. As I pull out the binders, the journals, the notepads, and supplies, I am reminded of the journey I’ve taken, all the various recreations of myself I’ve undergone in my career life.
Now I know why we need Marie Kondo. Does it spark joy? If not, bless it, and with gratitude for all it has given you, let it go. It’s not easy.
I’m sure you’ve experienced this too and know what I’m talking about.
My emotions start coming to the surface as I see the visual representations of all I had been, all that I am. I’m reading from old business journals chronicling my path, from things I’d written and dreams I had. Sometimes I surprise myself with my brilliance, wondering how I knew what I knew and asking myself, did I forget this?? It made it hard to throw these things away, those wise little snippets of my journey.
At the age of 36, I became a psychotherapist doing a 180-degree career tilt. I thought I was too old to be starting over and worried how it would all work out in general but more specifically with a half a salary pay cut. Little did I know it would be the beginning of many new starting points, my midlife metamorphosis, AND, you are never too old.
Maybe you are going through a midlife and beyond metamorphosis too?
Career Snippets
Adding to my traditional psychotherapy, I got certified as a journaling facilitator, and started Heart N’ Hand, going out and teaching the how- to’s of journal writing.
Then I went to an Ashram and became a yoga therapy instructor and offered 8-week sessions on Yoga and Stress, Yoga and Emotions, Yoga and Spirituality, Yoga and the Chakras….I was called a witch and told yoga was a cult.
Next Reconnective Energy Healing. I had to keep this separate from psychotherapy because the rules were strict, and I was afraid of losing my license.
Off to California, where all cool trainings happen, to become a Modern Day Priestess. Add shamanic breathwork and healing circles to my offerings, check.
Not to mention the gazillion psychotherapy trainings I’ve had.
There are some of you out there who have gone through each of these recreations with me. Bless you.
Feeling constrained in my job, I left and opened The Healing Space, a women’s gathering space for personal growth and healing, and all these modalities including psychotherapy came together under one roof. Women’s retreats came next.
You know the story from here. Divorce and my big move. I put my alternative healing lifestyle on hold to return to a traditional, salaried job. It’s here where I honed my skills even though I wasn’t outwardly doing any of them. For example, I used to sit and soften my gaze with my clients and practice seeing auras. I sent healing energy. Clients would say how peaceful they felt just coming into my office. I noticed if I breathed slowly and deeply, they would alter their breathing too. Journaling was a must. I taught yoga for stress at lunchtime. I held on. Like energy nothing is ever lost or destroyed, it merely changes form.
When I moved to the beach, I fully intended to continue with my offerings but at the time doors were closed to me and space at a premium. Oh, and Covid. So…I came up with an online business, another recreation, combining it all into, Holey Wholly Holey. Lol, we can all see how that one didn’t take off. It was the precursor though to Soulfire Woman which was a complete download from Spirit.
Recreating Myself Again
Sitting here with my piles around me and Penelope my dog confused and miffed at her space being taken over, I’m reliving the excitement of those new beginnings in my life with a little twinge of sadness that comes when you know something that touched your heart has ended like teaching yoga. My body is no longer cooperating there, and I don’t have the passion I once did.
I am reminded of how much I tried. I took risks. I put my heart and soul into everything I did.
I feel pride too. Proud of myself for forging ahead at a time when these modalities were cutting edge and unknown. I miss the excitement of those days. I am reminded too that I am in a different phase of my life. I am older. I want different things.
Now I realize what’s happening. I am making space for what’s to come in life even though I don’t know what form it is taking. Like I said before, I’m not done. Are you? I am proud of that too, I’m still going.
I will be recreating myself once again I am sure. It’s my nature.
Talking it through with a friend, I landed on whether I thought I was a success or not, especially financially. Did I fail?
My friend paused, and said to me, Dyanne, don’t you see it, you were and are a changemaker.
My heart settled. I took a deep breath. Yes, I can own it, changemaker. I was then and still am now.
How can you put a price on that?
Are you in the midst of recreating yourself? Are you ready to be a changemaker too? Let’s work together. Individual and package sessions starting NOW.
